When I tell people I do not drink, they usually assume one of three things. None of them are accurate. The misalignment between what they assume and what is actually going on is itself interesting, and worth a note.
What people assume
The first assumption is that I do not drink because I am in recovery. That is, I am a former heavy drinker who has had to stop because alcohol was destroying my life, and my abstinence is a hard-won fragile state that I must maintain to avoid disaster. This assumption is delivered with sympathy. People nod respectfully and offer me a sparkling water with extra warmth.
The second assumption is that I do not drink for religious reasons. Some tradition prohibits alcohol; I am observant. This assumption is delivered with curiosity and slight social adjustment, as if I were a vegetarian or had a peanut allergy.
The third assumption is that I am pregnant, on medication, or in some way temporarily not drinking, and the absence will be cleared up by next month. This assumption is delivered casually, often with a "well, let me know when you can again" half-joke that suggests the asker considers drinking the default and my not-drinking a temporary aberration.
None of these are the actual answer.
What the actual answer is
The actual answer, for me, is something more boring. I do not drink because I noticed that my life on every relevant dimension is better when I do not drink. Sleep is better. Mornings are better. Memory is better. Mood baseline is better. Money is somewhat better, but that one matters less. Conversations are better; I remember them, I follow up on them, I am more present in them.
When I weighed these against what alcohol was offering, which was occasional social looseness and a chemical reward I had grown habituated to and was no longer enjoying as much, the math came out clearly. I do not drink because I prefer the version of my life that does not include drinking. That is the whole answer.
This is not a story of recovery. I was not a heavy drinker. I drank what most professional adults in their thirties drink: two or three drinks several evenings a week, occasionally more at social events. This is also not a story of religious observance. I am not particularly religious. This is also not a story of temporary abstinence. I expect this to be permanent because I have no reason to revisit a decision that has produced uniformly better outcomes.
It is a story of preference, optimization, and noticing.
Why the assumptions persist
The reason the three assumptions persist is that they fit existing cultural categories. Recovery, religion, temporary medical state. These are the three legitimate reasons not to drink in the standard American social script.
The fourth reason, which is "I prefer it this way and there is no particular drama behind the decision," does not fit a script. It is the option people have not made room for. When I give that answer, the response is often a brief confused pause, followed by an attempt to file the answer back into one of the three existing categories. "Oh, so you just... don't enjoy it?" "Oh, you must be in great shape then." "Oh, are you doing one of those breaks?"
The questions are not malicious. They are the questions you ask when someone has given you an answer that does not fit your map. You try to redraw the answer onto the existing map.
What I have started saying instead
After a few years of giving the long answer and watching it get refiled into wrong categories, I have shortened the response. "I just feel better without it" works in most contexts. It is true, it is brief, and it sidesteps the recovery-religion-temporary triangulation because it does not give anyone a category to put me into.
A small number of people, hearing the short version, ask the longer question. "What changed for you?" or "When did you stop?" These are the people who are genuinely curious, often because they have been considering the same change themselves. For them I give the longer answer.
The rest of the room takes the short version, files it under "personal choice," and moves on. This is the outcome I want. The category "personal choice without further explanation needed" turns out to be the right shape for this answer.
What this means
If you are considering not drinking and you are worried about what to tell people, the lesson here is that you do not owe anyone the three-category explanation. "I just feel better without it" is sufficient. The cultural assumption that not-drinking requires a justification while drinking does not, is itself a cultural assumption, not a fact about the world. You can decline to participate in that asymmetry.
A small number of people will be confused by the absence of a category. Most of those will get over it within a sentence or two. A few will try to push for the recovery story or the religion story or the temporary story; those people are usually drinking heavily themselves and projecting. You do not need to engage.
The truthful answer is that you do not need a dramatic reason to prefer the sober version of your life. The dramatic reasons are not the most common reasons people quit. The most common reason is the boring one: you noticed it was better, and you kept choosing it.